Negative

The title says it all.
I figured this was going to be the result, but to say it makes it more real. I had a bit of a meltdown last night (I have those just about every other cycle) and all I have to say is thank god for Matt. He is my rock and the only reason I am able to continue going through this. I don't know what I did to deserve an awesome husband like him. That is all I am going to say for now. There won't be another IUI for at least 1 cycle because of the cysts. I will still update with the cycle on "our own".

Complication.....

Well, all was going just fine....until today.
I was awoken this morning by a shooting pain in my right groin area, but I only felt it when I pulled my knees up toward my chest (which is how I sleep). So I just kept trying to readjust myself, but eventually I couldn't sleep anymore and I just got up. I decided I was going to pee on my first stick today so I did that...negative. I will do it again for the next 3 days! I figured the pain I was feeling was from my ovaries getting mad at me again just like last time so I decided to take a couple advil and just rest. By about 1 pm the pain was much worse than it has ever been. I couldn't even sit up! So I called Dr. Carnovale to see what he thought I should do. He said he could either call me in a pain medication or if I wanted to, I could come in for an ultrasound. I chose the ultrasound just because this pain was so much worse and I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. I headed right in and sure enough I had several cysts on my ovary! He counted and measured them, while I sat there and wanted to cry. He said he would give me a script for a pain medication and I should just rest.
I was on call today at work from 3p-7p and of course they needed me! I felt so bad saying I couldn't come in, but the pain medication he prescribed was Vicoprofen which contained Vicodin which I can't take while working. They were very understanding. I am so grateful that I work with a bunch of wonderful girls!
So now I am at home. I took one of those happy pills around 3 and was asleep by 4:30! They did help my pain and knocked me out in the process.
So that is the update for now, I am kind of bummed that this is happening again. I also don't think I am pregnant as I have felt quite irritable lately and that is usually a sign that aunt flo is coming. So now comes the waiting for the cysts to go away.  AGAIN
Matt and I are continuing to save every dime we get so we can do IVF if needed (which I think it will be). Hopefully we will have a baby soon :(

All Done...

Well, the IUI went well. It was a lot more painful this time than last but went as planned. We got to Dr. Boldt's office at 11 am with Matt's "sample" and were then told to come back in 1 hour to pick it up. We went down to the cafeteria and had lunch. My stomach was way upset this morning (probably nerves) so I just sat down there in agony. We went back up and got the sperm after it had been "washed" to get rid of the defective ones and we were given a little tub with about 1 ml of fluid in it....that's it!
We took our little tube and walked back over to Dr. Carnovale's office for the IUI. I put on my little pink drape and waited. Dr. Carnovale came in and looked at the report they gave us with Matt's sperm (shows how many, etc) and he was amazed at how many there were....444.5 million! He said that was great and kind of chuckled about combining that with my numerous healthy follicles. The procedure started out fine but then my cervix decided not to cooperate just like last time...go figure. He continued to try and try but it was a no go so he had to use a tool called a "tennaculum" (may be spelling that wrong) which for all purposes here is a pincher! My problem is my cervix looks to the right of my body which makes it difficult to get to and then it isn't a straight tube like other women's...it is a curvy mess! So he took the "pincher's" and grabbed my cervix and pulled it toward him and straighter. OUCH!! I was squeezing Matt's hand so tight I was feeling the blood go out of my hand! I kept trying to focus on the light above me, but that wasn't working. Just when I thought I could take no more he said it was in and I was going to feel some cramping....and boy did I! He injected the sperm and then took every tool out of my body...whew...done :)
Then I had to lay there for 15 mins...I was shaking because it hurt so bad. Matt thought I was cold, but I wasn't .
After our 15 mins we were given "instructions" saying what do to next...I won't bother going into details there :)
So now starts the 2 week wait....the longest time of my life! It always seems to go by slowly too....ugh. Last time I peed on a stick too soon and got a false positive from the HCG shot I gave myself so I know not to do that this time :)
Well, I am off to bed....still very sore and wanting to just rest.

Yes we are going ahead with it....

My ultrasound today went well...very well. I wasn't feeling so hot this morning when I woke up. Just had a lot of cramping and pressure on my right side. Once at my ultrasound I found out why. From the moment he put it in I could see a big difference in my follicle size. I ended up having 4 follicles all 19 mm or greater! My lining was better but still a tad thin but we can't wait any longer for it to thicken up. After seeing my follicle sizes and amounts he asked me if I wanted to continue with the IUI.....because I was at risk of having quadruplets, triplets, or twins! I didn't really even hesitate and said yes I wanted to continue! Yes, I do not want quads, trips or twins but I WILL gladly accept them if that is what God decides to give me :)
So I have to inject my HCG tonight/tomorrow morning at 1230 am and the IUI is on Friday!
I am feeling much more hopeful about this round, but then I am afraid to feel so hopeful.....

Will post more on Friday!

Ultrasound #2

I ended up getting c-time this morning from work, so I didn't have to disrupt the assignments to go to my ultrasound at 8 am.  My ultrasound went well, I had 2 follicles on my right side...one 15 mm and the other 16 mm. I had one on my left, but it was only 12 mm. My uterine lining was a little too thin for his liking so he started me on Estrogen vaginally for the next couple of days to increase it....fun! I have another ultrasound on Wednesday morning and if everything looks good then, we will do the IUI on Friday or Saturday!

On another note...you know that saying "absence make the heart grow fonder" well, boy do I believe it! I have never been so happy to have Matt home I have been kind of stuck to him since he got back on Friday. Last night he caught me watching him sleep (I just like looking at him) and he told me that it was okay...he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon :) I just love him!!!

More on Wednesday!

He will be home today!

So, Matt gets home tonight! I am soo excited. I think I have been doing pretty well without him though. The first couple of days were rough but it got better. Today is day 9 and will be my last dose of Clomid. I made it through the last two days of work being super exhausted, I even got another nurse laughing at me when I had a hot flash! Today I had to go get re-certified for CPR and I about feel asleep! I then had to go to employee health and get checked out because I was exposed to someone with H1N1 at work...great....just what I need! I have an ultrasound on Monday morning to see how my follicles are growing....I can feel them on my left side this time (last time I felt them on my right)...it is becoming a problem putting on shoes and socks! I am signing off now..going to take a nap before I go get Matt at the airport!

I will update Monday after my ultrasound!

A Beautiful Medal with a Story....

I received this medal the other day in the mail from my mother in-law. She got it from a friend of hers who had bought it for a friend of his. Enclosed with this medal was this story....

Enclosed in a "Blue Mary" medal. It is from Chartres, France. The story is this. IN the late 800's the Catholic community built a church on the site of a Roman temple in Chartres, France. The prize possession of the Cathedral is a blue robe that is reputed to be the birth robe of Mary. In 1100 the Cathedral burned to the ground. The robe was found in the ashes, intact. A new Cathedral was built, it is one of the largest in Europe and has an amazing collection of 1100 A.D. stained glass. The birthing robe is displayed in a glass case. People wanting to become pregnant, or wanting other to do so, pray at the robe, light a candle and wear the Blue Mary Medal. In 2003, one of the attorney's in our office, (name), and his wife were trying desperately to get pregnant. (Name) is a Wabash grad and was very close to me and my wife. My wife and I were in Chartres in 2003 and bought this medal for (name). The went through every procedure, en vitro, hormones, etc. In 2005 they adopted a boy, and gave up on having biological children. In 2007 she became pregnant with no medical intervention, and in 2009 she did again. They now have 3 kids. 

                                 This is the front of the medal...I think :)

                               This is the back....again...I think.

I was so moved and excited when I got this. I am not Catholic but I still believe in the power of something like this. I was moved that someone who doesn't even know me was willing to share this priceless medal with me! I instantly placed it on the chair that holds my current charm and have been wearing it ever since......

On another note....Today is day 6. Took my first dose of Clomid last night and slept until noon today! I hate that feeling of being so exhausted, but there is nothing I can do about it. I only had one hot flash overnight....can't wait for those to pick up again. Matt left yesterday morning....I am already missing him! This week had better speed by.......

More later :)