Okay, another post. Before our first IUI I started journaling on a website...I had, until recently, totally forgotten about it. I got an e-mail today that said that unless I got the paid version I was going to loose all of it. I didn't want to because I wrote alot that one and only time. So I thought I would share it here. Keep in mind that it is old!! Like around November.....
I decided to start journaling becauase I needed an outlet. Over the last year my life has changed dramatically, for the good and the bad. I got married to a WONDERFUL man and we started out lives together. Thats when it all got hairy...the living part.
For a little background, I have wanted kids since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to get married and start a family. The joy a baby/child brings into your life is amazing and I couldn't wait to experience it.
Well, I got married and couldn't wait to start trying to have a family and thankfully my husband felt the same. I knew it wouldn't come as easy as some people (I had been on birth control for 10+ years for irregular periods, which I stopped upon returning from our honeymoon), so I went to the doctor to be educated on trying to conceive. I may be an OB RN but I didn't know a thing about getting pregnant, I knew what to do 9 months later! I never got a visit from aunt flo after stopping my pills, I met with the doctor about 6 weeks after stopping the pills. She informed me on what a regular cycle should look like and when I should ovulate, etc. She also drew some blood to see if my hormones were all in check. The blood work came back showing my Prolactin level was elevated, so my OBGYN put me on a pill (for which I got every side effect in the book) to lower it and said to have it rechecked in 6 weeks and to montior my cycles and try to get pregnant. So we did.....I started peeing on ovulation sticks at that point, I believe it was around September. I remember getting up every morning and peeing on this little stick, only to tell me that I wasn't ovualting. Then one morning (I was off work that day and Matt was at work), I got up peed on my stick, set it down on the counter and started brushing my teeth like usual. When I went over to look at the stick to see my negative result, when low and behold it was POSITIVE! I was so excited, I took a picture with my phone and sent to Matt!! For the next few days we "tried to get pregnant" as often as possible. Then came the dreaded two week wait....the longest 14 days of my life! The end of that 2 weeks was also about the time I needed to have my blood drawn again. So I went to the doctor and asked to have and HCG drawn with my Prolactin level, the did. My doctor called the next day to tell me that not only was I not pregnant, but my Prolactin had stayed the same. At this point she said it was a little beyond her and I needed to see an infertility specialist, so she sent me to see Dr. Carnovale. I had my first appt with him on Feb. 4th, that is when this infertility journey began.....
Since then I have had many ultrasounds, a procedure where they put saline up in my uterus while looking at it with and ultrasound to check for polyps/fibroids (this one hurt...apparently my cervix does not want anything passing through it), a laproscopic surgery to correct endometriosis, and switched the route and medication to lower my Prolactin. Here it is mid Novemeber over a year later and still no pregnancy. My Prolactin level is normal, but my cycles are 50-60 days in length and I don't always ovulate. So after meeting with Dr. Carnovale again he wanted to go straight to IVF. I was all for it, I figured it would work and I would be pregnant! Then the price bomb got dropped on us....even with the discount I get for being a hospital employee, the cost was way more than we could afford. Matt said that we could borrow money from our parents, and various other resources but then we would have no money to prepare for the baby it produced. I think that is when I became a little depressed. In my eyes, the only way (I thought) that I could for sure get pregnant was out of our reach and we would never have a baby. On top of that Dr. Carnovale wanted me to have some more blood work done to see if I was infertile. I sat there and thought about what I would do if this was true....my life has depended on my ability to have children......I couldn't fathom a life without having children. Matt said we could just get a donor egg or adopt....I can't see either one of those being an option for me. I want my children to look like myself and Matt, not someone else. This is when I started losing hope. Matt has been as supportive as a man can be, but he just doesn't understand. I spend so many days at work delivering babies to people who don't deserve them and it sucks....and yet god won't give me one!
It is hard to express my feelings with this......
I told Dr. Carnovale we couldn't do IVF and he suggested we try taking Clomid, then HCG to trigger ovulation then IUI. It is costly, but not as bad. So that is where we are....I took Clomid on days 5-9 of this cycle. I am now CD10, I have an ultrasound on Wednesday 11/17 to check follicle size and hopefully we will do IUI this week! I am excited, but I am also trying to stay neutral as I have been burned so many times so far.
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