Something to keep...

Okay, another post. Before our first IUI I started journaling on a website...I had, until recently, totally forgotten about it. I got an e-mail today that said that unless I got the paid version I was going to loose all of it. I didn't want to because I wrote alot that one and only time. So I thought I would share it here. Keep in mind that it is old!! Like around November.....


I decided to start journaling becauase I needed an outlet. Over the last year my life has changed dramatically, for the good and the bad. I got married to a WONDERFUL man and we started out lives together. Thats when it all got hairy...the living part.
For a little background, I have wanted kids since I was a kid. I couldn't wait to get married and start a family. The joy a baby/child brings into your life is amazing and I couldn't wait to experience it.
Well, I got married and couldn't wait to start trying to have a family and thankfully my husband felt the same. I knew it wouldn't come as easy as some people (I had been on birth control for 10+ years for irregular periods, which I stopped upon returning from our honeymoon), so I went to the doctor to be educated on trying to conceive. I may be an OB RN but I didn't know a thing about getting pregnant, I knew what to do 9 months later! I never got a visit from aunt flo after stopping my pills, I met with the doctor about 6 weeks after stopping the pills. She informed me on what a regular cycle should look like and when I should ovulate, etc. She also drew some blood to see if my hormones were all in check. The blood work came back showing my Prolactin level was elevated, so my OBGYN put me on a pill (for which I got every side effect in the book) to lower it and said to have it rechecked in 6 weeks and to montior my cycles and try to get pregnant. So we did.....I started peeing on ovulation sticks at that point, I believe it was around September. I remember getting up every morning and peeing on this little stick, only to tell me that I wasn't ovualting. Then one morning (I was off work that day and Matt was at work), I got up peed on my stick, set it down on the counter and started brushing my teeth like usual. When I went over to look at the stick to see my negative result, when low and behold it was POSITIVE! I was so excited, I took a picture with my phone and sent to Matt!! For the next few days we "tried to get pregnant" as often as possible. Then came the dreaded two week wait....the longest 14 days of my life! The end of that 2 weeks was also about the time I needed to have my blood drawn again. So I went to the doctor and asked to have and HCG drawn with my Prolactin level, the did. My doctor called the next day to tell me that not only was I not pregnant, but my Prolactin had stayed the same. At this point she said it was a little beyond her and I needed to see an infertility specialist, so she sent me to see Dr. Carnovale. I had my first appt with him on Feb. 4th, that is when this infertility journey began.....
Since then I have had many ultrasounds, a procedure where they put saline up in my uterus while looking at it with and ultrasound to check for polyps/fibroids (this one hurt...apparently my cervix does not want anything passing through it), a laproscopic surgery to correct endometriosis, and switched the route and medication to lower my Prolactin. Here it is mid Novemeber over a year later and still no pregnancy. My Prolactin level is normal, but my cycles are 50-60 days in length and I don't always ovulate. So after meeting with Dr. Carnovale again he wanted to go straight to IVF. I was all for it, I figured it would work and I would be pregnant! Then the price bomb got dropped on us....even with the discount I get for being a hospital employee, the cost was way more than we could afford. Matt said that we could borrow money from our parents, and various other resources but then we would have no money to prepare for the baby it produced. I think that is when I became a little depressed. In my eyes, the only way (I thought) that I could for sure get pregnant was out of our reach and we would never have a baby. On top of that Dr. Carnovale wanted me to have some more blood work done to see if I was infertile. I sat there and thought about what I would do if this was true....my life has depended on my ability to have children......I couldn't fathom a life without having children. Matt said we could just get a donor egg or adopt....I can't see either one of those being an option for me. I want my children to look like myself and Matt, not someone else. This is when I started losing hope. Matt has been as supportive as a man can be, but he just doesn't understand. I spend so many days at work delivering babies to people who don't deserve them and it sucks....and yet god won't give me one!
It is hard to express my feelings with this......
I told Dr. Carnovale we couldn't do IVF and he suggested we try taking Clomid, then HCG to trigger ovulation then IUI. It is costly, but not as bad. So that is where we are....I took Clomid on days 5-9 of this cycle. I am now CD10, I have an ultrasound on Wednesday 11/17 to check follicle size and hopefully we will do IUI this week! I am excited, but I am also trying to stay neutral as I have been burned so many times so far.

It's Beginning!!

Today was a good day. I was looking forward to this day ever since they called and made the appointment. Nothing really happened, but to me is signified the official start of the IVF process!
My appointment today was with Sara (a wonderful RN at Dr. Carnovale's office) where she gave me a packet...

In this packet was everything I needed to know about the upcoming "procedure." First there was my calendar, which has all the drugs I will be taking throughout the whole process.

•  I will start with the Lupron, which is a shot in my belly. This drug basically shuts down my ovaries to prevent them from helping us out!  That way Dr. Carnovale can control what my body does. I take that until the actual egg retrieval. 
• After a few days of that I start Follistim and Menopure which are both ovarian stimulating medications. These are also shots in my belly. I will also take both of these until the egg retrieval. 
• During this process I will also take aspirin and an antibiotic.
• After the retrieval I start taking Progesterone (a very important hormone in pregnancy). This shot is the one I am least looking forward to. It is an intramuscular injection and it goes in my butt. I have heard it hurts.....

Also in my packet are info sheets on some of the medications, instruction sheets on how to give injections (I have that one down!), and a 30 or so page consent that Matt and I both have to sign and have notarized! 

Sara told me how the retrieval would go, that I would be under conscious sedation (basically asleep) and then for the transfer I will take a Valium. I have never taken that before, so it should be interesting. 

After meeting with Sara, we were sent over to Dr. Boldt's office. He is the man that will put our "specimens" (my egg and Matt's sperm) together and watch to make sure they do what we need them to. This was very informative. He went through every part of his process and explained what he wanted to see and what he didn't want to see. He also mentioned several times how he thought we had a very good shot at getting pregnant. I needed to hear that because lately I have been wavering on that. There are some days where I think we will come out of this with a baby and then there are others where I don't. 

I got home and called a pharmacy that Sara had set up for my medications. They are like a mail order pharmacy that deals with specialty medications such as fertility, chemo/caner, etc. With this phone call, we made our first major purchase for the IVF......WOW. I am not ashamed to say how much this is costing us so I will clue you in on the cost of just the medications....$1769.31. That isn't including the aspirin or the birth control pills I have been on for a couple of months. This amount is less than what we budgeted for, which is a plus, but it is still a major cost!

Well, now that I have written a book on here I will go. My hysteroscopy is next Friday, the 13th. I will update after that :)

Yippee!!!

Finally got some good news today....no surgery needed! My cyst went away so I will not need another lap to remove it! I do still need to have a hysteroscopy to get out whatever it is in my uterus. We scheduled that for May 13th. After that we are a go for the June IVF!!!

Another set back...

Well...we went to see Dr. Carnovale today to do another SIS (saline infused sonography/US). I had one done right before my lap last year and he just wanted to make sure nothing had changed since then. This test shows if I have any fibroids, polyps, etc hanging out in my uterus that would prevent a successful pregnancy. This involves him doing a vaginal ultrasound and then sliding a tube through my cervix and then injecting saline while looking at it with the ultrasound. This is supposed to be a simple procedure, but I have a crazy cervix so it isn't for me. When he put the ultrasound in the first thing he saw was a very large cyst on my right ovary. I have had these before but usually they go away. This was left over from the last IUI and now it is large and has what appears to be a blood clot in it....GREAT! He then stuck the little tube through my cervix (which took forever and I came very close to breaking Matt's hand) and injected the saline. This showed that I have a little scar/polyp in my uterus that is attached on the right side of my uterine wall and then stretches over to the left side....ANOTHER GREAT!

So...what does all this mean? It means that I have to have this thing in my uterus removed and that can be done simply with a hysteroscopy and then we are good to go. However, if after he checks my ovarian cyst in 4 weeks if it isn't better then I have to have another lap to remove it and then he will do the hysteroscopy at the same time. If all goes well from that then we are still on track for the June 15th egg retrieval for IVF! I really don't want another lap but I will do what I have to. So we had planned on my to start taking my birth control pills for the IVF next month, but he thinks they might help shrink the cyst so I start those today now.

I am loving that the process is getting started. I am also loving that the weather is starting to improve and I am hoping that will improve my mood as well. I am still spend most of my days off in bed and would like to stop that! I have to start weaning myself off of my Zoloft so that won't help me out anymore either!

My next ultrasound is April 12th....I will post more then!

The Next Step

So I met with Dr. Carnovale today to discuss the new "game plan" and it went well. After the events with the last IUI, Matt and I came to the decision that we weren't going to do anymore IUI's. With my first IUI I had complications and then with the second those complications got worse so I could even fathom how bad it would be with another IUI. So we figured why waste the money, money that we could be saving for our IVF.

So I met we Dr. Carnovale to find out the next steps. We don't currently have the money for IVF but we are close so I wanted to get something planned. We decided to go with the date in June. That gives us a few more months to save before we have to start shelling out the big bucks. He wants to do another saline infused sonography (SIS) before the IVF, so we will schedule that soon. I will start taking birth control pills in April and then go from there! I am excited and starting to get some hope :)

On another note, the cycle I am currently on is going well. It will actually be a normal length and not 60 days! I saw Dr. Vessely (my primary doc) yesterday and he increased my Zoloft because I am starting to get my depression symptoms back. Hopefully works!

More later....

Negative

The title says it all.
I figured this was going to be the result, but to say it makes it more real. I had a bit of a meltdown last night (I have those just about every other cycle) and all I have to say is thank god for Matt. He is my rock and the only reason I am able to continue going through this. I don't know what I did to deserve an awesome husband like him. That is all I am going to say for now. There won't be another IUI for at least 1 cycle because of the cysts. I will still update with the cycle on "our own".

Complication.....

Well, all was going just fine....until today.
I was awoken this morning by a shooting pain in my right groin area, but I only felt it when I pulled my knees up toward my chest (which is how I sleep). So I just kept trying to readjust myself, but eventually I couldn't sleep anymore and I just got up. I decided I was going to pee on my first stick today so I did that...negative. I will do it again for the next 3 days! I figured the pain I was feeling was from my ovaries getting mad at me again just like last time so I decided to take a couple advil and just rest. By about 1 pm the pain was much worse than it has ever been. I couldn't even sit up! So I called Dr. Carnovale to see what he thought I should do. He said he could either call me in a pain medication or if I wanted to, I could come in for an ultrasound. I chose the ultrasound just because this pain was so much worse and I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. I headed right in and sure enough I had several cysts on my ovary! He counted and measured them, while I sat there and wanted to cry. He said he would give me a script for a pain medication and I should just rest.
I was on call today at work from 3p-7p and of course they needed me! I felt so bad saying I couldn't come in, but the pain medication he prescribed was Vicoprofen which contained Vicodin which I can't take while working. They were very understanding. I am so grateful that I work with a bunch of wonderful girls!
So now I am at home. I took one of those happy pills around 3 and was asleep by 4:30! They did help my pain and knocked me out in the process.
So that is the update for now, I am kind of bummed that this is happening again. I also don't think I am pregnant as I have felt quite irritable lately and that is usually a sign that aunt flo is coming. So now comes the waiting for the cysts to go away.  AGAIN
Matt and I are continuing to save every dime we get so we can do IVF if needed (which I think it will be). Hopefully we will have a baby soon :(