"Normal"

I am having a rough time lately. I used to love the weekends so I could spend time with Matt and Luke and do family fun things. What I would call "normal" family things. Going places, doing things, etc. However, because Luke is Luke we aren't able to do these things. He will either not enjoy it (therefore putting more stress on me) or not even know/understand what we are doing. I was telling Matt today that I wanted to be able to do these "normal" things with he and Luke. He told me that Luke isn't "normal" and I needed to stop thinking that way. BIG HELP! My way of coping is to sleep all weekend. Matt hates that, I don't blame him. In my head I think that if he had to deal with Luke for two days like I do on a daily basis, then he would understand. He doesn't.

Lately Luke is having a fit when we go out to eat. I have no idea why. We usually end up leaving most of our food uneaten to go home because no one wants to listen to Luke scream in a restaurant. I am done going out to eat for a while. Part of the problem is that Luke can't sit in a high chair/booster seat etc. I have yet to find anything that is designed for a kid like him. So we end up holding him. I think that is what he doesn't like. He can't "play" around with his food like he does at home. I don't know.

Luke officially started his new therapy last Monday. It was the same girl we met with for the evaluation. I am not sold on this yet. This therapist doesn't seem to care. She just acts like this is her job, she will put in her hours and be done. I need someone that gives a damn. She doesn't really talk to me and when I do say something I usually get one word answers. I voiced my concerns to Luke's therapist through First Steps and she suggested I go somewhere else. I am looking at other options. 

I have done about all I can do around the house for now. We can't afford to do much more. The house next door to us FINALLY sold (been on the market for almost 5 years) so that should help us when we want to sell ours. 

Anyway, I am done rambling....

More Therapy

First, let me say thank you for every one's kind words of encouragement since my last post. I knew you all cared, but wow! I feel good knowing I have plenty of people supporting me through this difficult journey. 

Not much has changed with us since my last post. We met with another Physical Therapist (PT) on Monday to have Luke evaluated for more therapy (at the suggestion of his developmental pediatrician). Currently our therapists come to the house on Wednesday and Thursday. This new therapist was at Methodist Hospital. We got there and she seemed very nice and knowledgeable. She spent 45 minutes with Luke and he of course wooed her with his charm :) She did think he needed more PT. I knew that would happen. I don't disagree but I also hate the idea. We will start seeing her on Monday starting in 2 weeks (she has to get it through insurance). This means that every day I am off work, Luke has therapy of some kind. My life is supposed to revolve around my child, not my child's therapies! 

Luke is becoming your typical toddler as far as behavior goes. He is starting to throw fits. Because he is so immobile we do carry him around a lot, but we try not to. Lately, if we put him down in the living room on the floor (where he plays) he starts throwing a massive fit. He cries soo hard and loud. I know I need to just ignore it and I do. But there are times where he is gagging himself with his forceful crying and then it has to stop. I know he is frustrated because he can't move around like he wants to. I wish I could help him....

My depression is about the same. I see Dr. Stone about every 2 weeks. She is helping me to focus on things that don't involve taking care of Luke, as that is wearing on me and stressing me out. My friend Meg said I needed a hobby. I agree, as does she. While I love to read, that makes me tired which is something I am trying to avoid. Dr. Stone suggested that I use this extra time to work on our house. Ideally, we need to sell it and move to a place more suitable for Luke and his growing needs (and again "ideally" for our growing family). However, in order for us to get what we need out of this house, some work needs to be done. So I am taking this idea and running with it! I am currently repainting the garage door (we really need a new one but can't afford it), after that I am resealing the driveway, and then staining/painting our deck in the backyard. That should keep me busy for a while.  

Luke and Daddy :)